Wickedly intense anxiety today, far more intense than anything I have experienced in a very long time. It took two Klonopin to get me to a slightly calmer place. The anxiety is still present, but manageable now. It made just enough room for me to feel the sorrow again.

My heart is full of wishes that will never come true.

I wish that I could at least look back and know that he really did love me. That he wasn’t just stringing me along after all.

And of course I wish he’d come back to me one day.

I wish I weren’t so full of longing for him and sadness that seems like it will never go away.

I wish so badly that I still existed to him.

Every wish I have is about him. He is everything that I ever wanted in this world.