Category Archives: roundup

A Roundup that won’t give you cancer…

FILLER WATCH: The latest to succumb to the Juvederm/Restylane/Filler-Of-The-Month succubi are Maggie Haberman and, surprisingly, Asha Rangappa. Yes, they look good. Damned. Good. Yes, I covet their damned injectable hyaluronic acid. But alas (and alack), injectables are like the new Logan’s Run with class separation thrown in for (debatably) good measure.

wrinkles the clownEVIL CLOWN WATCH: Hailing from – where else? – Florida, WRINKLES THE CLOWN is an eponymous documentary about its subject, a creepy AF clown that unfit parents hire to terrorize their children. It’s also a look in general at the place clowns have taken in pop culture and in folklore, the desire that some other kids with actual decent upbringings have to scare the hell out of themselves, and a look into the mindset and mission statement of the anonymous-for-his-own-safety entity underneath the eyeless Michael Myers-esque clown mask and blousy polka-dotted onesie. If you can get through the completely horrific wails of the terrified children in the background of Wrinkles’ voicemails from parents using him as a punitive device in place of genuine parenting, it’s a pretty fascinating – and creepy – documentary.

“YOU GOTTA HAVE HEART” WATCH: Currently available via HBO, you can catch Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh – which is the best comedic special about mental illness I’ve seen since Chris Gethard’s Career Suicide (also available on HBO). Gary is an amazing guy as well as a spot-on comedian. Every day, he tweets out tips for hopeful new comics to encourage them to WRITE. And they are some damn fine tips (for example, he urges them to read “Self-Reliance” by Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of the finest essays going on how to be unapologetically yourself, and conform to no other standards than your own – which is so important to comedians, especially in the face of attempted censorship).

GALAXY MIND WATCH: Feeling a little woo-woo? Want some words every day that you can project your own stuff onto that ISN’T a horoscope? Want to be occasionally freaked out by how uncannily accurate something randomly is? Sign up for Notes From The Universe. It’s been the first email I read every weekday morning – even when I’m too damn insane to read anything else – for several years now. I’ve gotten a lot out of it. You might, too. What the hell, it’s free, why not?

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Well…

…apparently the best way to shut myself up is to say I’m going to post “something cheerful”. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of something. Let’s see how I do:

  • Lately I’ve really been loving Joey “Coco” Diaz’s podcast. When Lee Syatt plays the introductory tune Joey’s picked out for the episode, Joey always say “OH, SHIT!” and it cheers the hell out of my day. Also, “tip top Magoo” is something adorable he says when something will be good – “things will be tip top Magoo”. LOVE that.
  • Phantom limbs can “embody” a prosthesis. Using a prosthetic that is equipped with light that goes off when the prosthesis is used to touch something, this combo of touch and light in study situations tricked the brain and allowed people to feel their phantom limb as part of the prosthesis. Is that cool or what?
  • If you want to scramble your brain, put “Body Rolls” with “Leslie Hall” into the search box at YouTube. (thanks to the children of Bert Kreischer for telling him about it and thanks to Bert for telling his podcast audience)
  • Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura, married comedians who are each hilarious in their own right, have gotten a “put pilot” deal on a new show called “All The Little Things”, a sitcom about parents coping with new babies in curious ways. It’s based on their podcast, YOUR MOM’S HOUSE, so if you listen to that, the last sentence will make sense. Try it out. The podcast, I mean. And then the show, when it’s picked up.
  • It’s hard AF to be cheerful. Seriously. This feels like the hardest post I’ve ever done for some reason.
  • Stormy Daniels tweeted this the other day: “You can put a lot of things in my mouth. Words are not one of them.” I thought that was pretty cute.
  • New York University is offering a FREE scholarship to every future and current student of their medical school. Up to $55K. Damn, I wish I were in New York and qualified to get into med school. Believe it or not, I would have LOVED to be a doctor. Students still have to cover room, board, and other living expenses, but STILL. Good on them. Now let’s have EVERY OTHER COLLEGE do this, too. Oops, sorry. Pipe dream.
  • My eyelashes are finally coming back after the lash extensions balded my eyelids (I know “balded” isn’t a real word but they were TOTALLY BALDED). They are not superlong but they are getting thicker.
  • Okay, this is all I can think of at the moment. And I feel like this is not a terribly interesting post. Except for the prosthetic embodiment thingy. Next post will most certainly NOT be “cheerful”, but it might not be totally negative either. And at least will not take like a MONTH to post. Thanks for hanging in there.
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Phyllis Diller Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle

Some podcasts I’ve been enjoying lately and recommend highly:

  • Smart Drug Smarts
  • This Past Weekend with Theo Von (He is about to blow up, y’all)
  • Here We Are with Shane Mauss
  • Tigerbelly with Bobby Lee
  • Your Mom’s House with Tom Segura and Christina P. (try it out)

Yesterday’s Quote of the Day: “I just took a Claritin and now I’m homophobic.” – Billy Eichner

NAC – aka N-Acetyl Cysteine, is magic. Take it before drinking, you can drink more. Take it after drinking, you can help your hangover. Plus, it scavenges excess glutamate – excess glutamate causes something called “exitotoxicity” which kills brain cells. Also, excess glutamate is apparently cancer’s favorite food. Get some today! No, really – this stuff is a life saver, because getting rid of glutamate ALSO helps regulate mood. On days when I don’t take this, things go considerably shittier. Try it out.

Did my best with those sales but did not get to where I need to be. Interesting that I’m hustling and not reaching my needed goal, yet when I was psychotic and ignored my clipstore for months and months, I made some pretty good sales. Sisyphean paradox, I say.

Here’s a tidbit: When I was psychotic I talked to my fingers like the kid in the Shining, but I had never seen the Shining (except for the “Here’s Johnny!” part and Shelley Duvall’s traumatic reaction to Stanley Kubrick’s mind games) so I did not know the kid talked to his finger. Then again, the kid was not communicating with David Lynch via the meditative astral plane through his finger, so nyah.

Russian journalist who faked his death said his friends said, “Hell, yeah, let’s do it. There’s nothing else to do.” Direct quote. Faking your own death – the new Rainy Day Activity!

I tweeted about this, but it deserves a mention here: I read an article which states that when grass is cut, it SCREAMS. Now, I do not know if this is true or not, but it is disturbing to think about. Once, I was going to Google whether roaches felt pain, but then decided I just don’t want to know. If everything is sentient, that fucks up my day. Who wants to go around apologizing to coffee tables when you bump into them? Life is hard enough.

Also, not down with calling people “randoms” when you can just call them “people.” Dehumanizing, in my opinion. But I’m not the Language Police. Everyone has the right to say “random”. I just feel gross about it. And because my opinion, like all others on the Internet, MATTERS SO FUCKING MUCH I just had to say something about this.

I have mentioned psychosis a bit in this post. This is probably because it is on my mind a lot lately, and I’m doing a lot of research into the subject because I am doing a lot of writing about my psychotic experience. Oh – and on the NAC tip again – people who are in the throes of psychosis have an excess of two things in the brain : glycine and GLUTAMATE. Also there is a LOT of commonality in the themes of the delusions one embraces during such a time. What I want to know is this: Are there ALSO a lot of these brain chemicals during a psychedelic trip? Because the two experiences are extremely similar with a few important distinctions, one being you actually know you are tripping but seldom do you realize you are psychotic. I’m a little irked because I had this whole Plato’s Cave analogy example set up and then LEGION went and did it first, except they didn’t credit Plato. Poor Plato, man. All beholden to Socrates, writing down his shit, but Plato doesn’t get a spot on LEGION. He needs a better agent.

Also, I’m going to say that rehabbing your own self from a psychotic break is a long hard fucking road. There are not a lot of therapists out there to help you process and assimilate. My guess is this is because they do not expect you to “come back”.

And lastly, keeping with the theme of hypnomanic tangents and brain dumping, Amazon Video is offering up THE YOUNG ONES to rent or buy. If you have not experienced this show, you are missing out on a lot of good catchphrases and laughs. Also, obscure musical guests from the 80’s. They also have another Rik Mayall/Adrian Edmondson creation, BOTTOM, which I used to have a boot of and which was also pretty amusing.

I’ve really dumped my brain out here. I think I’m still hypomanic but I can’t tell cause I am also now eating more vegetables and drinking more water, and this may effect my energy levels as well.

You know, plus the Adderall. It’s just too bad that stuff doesn’t make you automatically brilliant.

Okay, here comes my daily nausea and barfing, so that’s the post.

 

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Effluvia and Detritus

  • So I guess my Roseanne theory just got its dick pounded down into the dirt. Shame.
  • Quote of the day: “I’m still a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep-fried cunt.” – Duncan Trussell on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour (David Arquette episode)
  • LEGION and GOTHAM – though from different comic universes – are both very cool shows. LEGION especially has me entranced.
  • If you ever have to give insulin shots to a cat twice a day, load up a bunch of syringes at once and keep them in a cup in the fridge. Life is much easier when all you have to do is grab a pre-measured dose from the up. Especially first thing in the morning.
  • I am playing a new game with myself called Don’t Think About That Right Now. I will let you know if I win.
  • I am moving Future Annie out of the managed care facility and into a nicer apartment. It is the least I can do for someone who doesn’t yet exist.
  • I am tweeting again. I am not sure why. But I am going to try to take it the opposite of seriously because Twitter Lynch Mobs are some terrifying kind of bullshit.
  • I read that we should all turn our routers off and then back on because of a router hacking threat. Besides maybe resetting the IP, I am not sure what this does. But I did it anyway because bah I am a sheep.
  • I am hypomanic. It was sucking hardcore but now appears to be getting better. There is not much to report but if I do anything especially bizarre I will let y’all know about it.
  • I was reading an Amazon review and the review was for scar gel… And it started out “On such and such date, my husband bit me in the face” and there were PICTURES and yes, indeed, that was a human bite, right beneath her eye, huge deep teethmarks on her cheek. The review had 470 helpful votes.
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TV Time

If you aren’t watching LEGION on FX, you must get to Hulu or the FX app and catch up right away – hey, this weekend is perfect – because this show is absolutely AMAZING.

Also coming up on Hulu: The Handmaid’s Tale. And the new season of Westworld is coming to HBO.

Want to watch a fucked-up documentary? Give HAUNTERS on Netflix a viewing. Starts out just as a behind the scenes look at people who run haunted houses, this film gets dark, FAST.

Another Netflix gem is American Vandal, which is just hilarious.  Oh, Hello on Broadway is great, too, if you’ve ever been given Too Much Tuna.

And Amazon’s The Amazing Mrs. Maisel is a fantastic series about a woman trying to be a stand-up comic in the 60’s. Authentic, funny, the lead actress is charming and gorgeous, and Alex Borstein is comedy gold in this.

Obviously, Black Mirror is a recommendation. And holy damn, is Gotham getting intense or what?

Comedian Christina P. has a Netflix special called Mother Inferior that kills. Try it out. (Machines within…) Her husband Tom Segura also has a new special: Disgraceful – and it’s hysterical. Tony Hinchcliffe and Ari Shaffir are also really good fucking specials. Laugh your ass off, then give them a nice ol’ thumbs up.

There is a cornucopia of good standup on Netflix.. These are just all I can think of at the moment.

Oh – if you have not yet seen Twin Peaks: The Return, you must remedy this immediately.

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Titles Are Hard: A Round-Up (Or, Lighter Fare: Kind Of Not Really Maybe A Little Bit)

Science Daily reports that a recent study found early stress confers lifelong vulnerability causing alterations in a specific brain region. So like, lucky me. I haven’t read this article yet. I have to build up to it because FEELINGS.  I mean, I knew this already, that childhood stress and trauma change the growing brain. Having the confirmation of it is a heavy feeling, though. Like, what kind of brain might I have had otherwise? It’s a painful question. I may not want to know the answer.

It is nearly impossible to type with these fingernails. Mondo frustrationage abounds. Yes, I made that word up. Part of it anyway.

I have to recommend the Zoe Moon astrology podcast. Zoe is an extremely likable and cool gal and her predictions and interpretations are informative, interesting and unique. I look forward to listening to her Thursday evening podcast when I wake up every Friday morning, it’s a favored ritual. Ch-ch-ch-check her podcast out and see what the stars may have in store for you. Oh, she does private readings as well. I want one!

Twin Peaks: The Return is so damn good. (And the coffee is damn good coffee, too. No fish in the percolator!) I think David Lynch has never been better. It’s like all of his past work has over time seasoned and condensed and now he truly hits that flowspace Robert Henri wrote about in The Art Spirit, in his example of the dancer whose every muscle, every micro-movement is perfectly executed and done so with laser-focused purpose. Every move in Lynch’s creation is aligned perfectly with the whole, all parts moving in synchrony toward the same end (whatever that may be). And there is so much subtext in there that sets off new trains of creative and exploratory thought in me. I mean, okay, this takes the scar of INLAND EMPIRE off my myelin sheath. (Now if I could just get FUNNY GAMES and SOUTHLAND TALES to heal over. Good luck.)

Scary looking thing, right? And that shark, too!

Talking over someone and drowning them out does not make your points valid or true, Kellyanne. Come to think of it, though, validity and truth are probably not what you are going for. Nevermind, says Emily Litella.

Skiva’s Bluetooth Shower Speaker makes my life more pleasant. Just sayin’.

Doug Stanhope has a new book coming out. He is also hosting a standup special on Seeso. But for some reason his podcast is out of commission on my podcast app. I am in dire need of a Funhouse fix.

Finally, I was eaten by a shark at a recent showing of WONDER WOMAN (see image). However, I was revived by three in-theater cocktails (Sex on the Beach, appropriately enough), which were decidedly yummy. I am a fan of movie drinking. Oh, yes, yes I am.

Have a most awesome weekend. And check yo’ fridge! (see previous post)

 

 

 

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Cole-Bishop and Other Matters

  • Ah, the roundup post. A blog staple for when you have several disjointed thoughts and none of them are quite complete. Shall we?
  • So the Cole-Bishop amendment changes the predicate date on vaping products and basically SAVES VAPING because without it, most vapor businesses will be closing their doors. And that, as they say in France, is bullshit, Pierre. I have already left messages for Sen. Bill Nelson, Sen. Marco Rubio, and Congresswoman Kathy Castor (say that five times fast) asking them to support this amendment. If you want to help save vaping, you can call your representatives’ offices today and leave messages, too. Because they are all leaving D.C. for a two week break and so this is a good time, says CASAA.org
  • Recently I started taking thermally stabilized Oxaloacetate. There are a couple of super-groovy things this supplement does, namely tricking your body into thinking it is fasting intermittently, and lowering the amount of glutamate in your system. Glutamate is an excitatory neurotransmitter that recent research is finding is implicated in mental illness. In excess, it ALSO happens to be what cancer cells eat. Oxaloacetate lowers those glutamate levels so the cells can’t feed. Noice. Anyway. I am a lot more peaceful in my brain since starting this supplement. I mean, yeah, I am still cray-cray, but wow, the difference is definitely noticeable.
  • In other supplement news, I’m also taking N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC), which apparently ALSO lowers glutamate levels, and is the precursor for glutathione, a very powerful antioxidant that scavenges free radicals and apparently has the delightful side effect of skin lightening. So my freckles are more faded than they were, and the general hyperpigmentation of my face has calmed down in an interesting fashion. Plus, even less glutamate!
  • My birthday is less than a month away, and I can’t wait 🙂 It’s gonna be an awesome Cinco de Mayo this year!
  • I await with anticipation the new Twin Peaks. There’s a fish in the percolator! I wish Jack Nance was still with us.
  • The obfuscation continues. Remember when you are watching the show, there is another, more important show going on that you are being distracted from.  I mean, look at John McCain’s face. ‘Nuff said?
  • Feud: Bette and Joan is freaking spectacular. Love it, love everything about it.

 

 

 

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Mundane Recovery and Such

  • So I am still recovering from surgery. This process is much longer than I had anticipated. I am unable to eat solid food, so it’s applesauce and protein shakes.
  • I can’t smoke again yet, but I can vape, so I have been enjoying Virgin Vapor‘s organic VG eliquids. They are pretty awesome. My favorites so far are Peach Perfect, Original Sin (red apple), and Razzmatazz (raspberry, natch).
  • My GoFundMe is all the way up to 92 percent, which I appreciate so very much. A thousand thank you’s to everyone who has donated. You have truly made a difference in my life, and I look forward to sharing my new smile as soon as it is ready. I’m just a few hundred dollars away from paying everything off.
  • If you’re here looking for Bingo, email Chaille and tell him to make her a site, it’s long overdue. You can reach Ggreg Chaille through DougStanhope.com. I tweeted him that people are coming here looking for her, but I think he missed it. Things have been busy over at the Funhouse lately.
  • Have I mentioned The Girl in the Photographs? It’s a pretty cool, pretty creepy movie. So is, though it’s out of season right now, The Houses October Built.
  • Still digging on Lady Dynamite on Netflix, and looking forward to Season Two of Idiotsitter.
  • While recovering I’m watching a lot of TV, so there’s not much to report today, but I’ve gone so long without an update I figured I’d better pony up. Pain is not really conducive to my creativity, unfortunately. But I will return when I have something worthwhile to say. XOX
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