One of a Kind, Just Like Everyone Else.

Daybed Epidemiology With Nonsense On Top

(from February 2021)

Unsubstantiated and Wholly Uneducated Theory Warning

So, about cancer.

The disease, not the astrological sign (which is half of my rising sign, located in the cusp/DMZ of Cancer and Gemini, not that you asked.)

Theory is this: we call this thing and that thing and Roundup and other stuff carcinogens. And I do not doubt that these things are harmful. But I think pinning it on one substance or 2 million or whatever is maybe not the thing.

Let’s make a variable and we will call it Carcinogen X. Carcinogen X might equal Roundup, or it might equal saccharin, or asbestos. As long as a substance is considered carcinogenic, for this example, it can be considered Carcinogen X.

So what if the reason that Carcinogen X causes cancer is because, very simply, it is a foreign substance that was never intended to insinuate itself into the biome, and by this very fact alone, regardless of what specifically Carcinogen X may be, its antagonism of the natural balance of the biological systems – think about when you get an eyelash in your eye, it’s not supposed to be there, and so there is irritation and watering and all these reactions that would not happen if you didn’t have the eyelash in your eye, right? – results in a disturbance of this natural balance, and this disturbance results in inflammation. And in turn, what if – because inflammation is notorious for fucking everything up no matter what it is in all manner of ways – the body’s system of apoptosis – the scavenging and removal of dead or non-productive cells – is thrown off, leading to the mutation of said cells into the cancerous “zombie” cells that eat at the healthy cells and steal their food?

A possible by-product of the stress of the biome being thrown off would be excitotoxicity, an excess of glutamate. And glutamate is apparently comfort food for cancer cells, so now they basically have a buffet.

If this were true, then the essential issue would be removing from the environment things that occurred not Because Nature but Because Capitalism – like, oh, Glade Plug-Ins. As a recently reformed smoker, I bring this particular product up because non-smokers love to be punitive about smoking on the twin fronts of “it’s deadly” and “you stink”. I’m not arguing either point. But to think that “Hawaiian Breeze” – or even worse, “Clean Linen”  – is any better for a human being or any creature period to inhale is pure hypnotism.

I’ve been to Hawaii and that is not what the air smells like. Also. Clean linen actually smells like your detergent, or possibly nothing if you use non-fragranced detergent. Which I do, because also, being a great big hypo-critter I use “Unstopables” (fucked spelling and around here we call it “Unloveables” as that’s more jovial) in my laundry and regular detergent messes with the effect of it and admittedly the fragrance in that is probably not very healthy either. Though it smells pretty damned good and not like snorting Fruity Pebbles dipped in cheap perfume. But I’m not trying to fragrance-shame here, and you can take my Unloveables out of my cold, dead, fresh-smelling hands, because it’s better than all my clothes smelling like oven grease. I am about to tell you all about cleaning the oven yesterday and this will officially be a rant so I better derail my derailing here…

(No one tell her she already derailed, mkay?)

I wanted to end this with “I could be wrong… I could be right… May the road rise with you.” But Public Image Limited isn’t exactly Top of the Pops – and Top of the Pops may not even exist anymore – so it was a self-indulgent reference that I tell you about as smoke and mirrors to hide the fact I lack a pat and tidy ending to my quack-pottery.

And I’m distracting you from THAT revelation with the additional comment that when I typed “quack-pottery” my mind immediately gave me a cartoon version of the pottery wheel scene from GHOST only starring two ducks.

I have no way to distract you from whatever judgment you may be making of me now based on that information, though.