Fibonacci Dumbasses

There are STILL Rhodes Scholars out there asserting they will refuse a COVID-19 vaccine.

Why?

They think they will get micro-chipped, and then tracked, everywhere they go.

Let us momentarily put aside that not one of the brain trusts holding this opinion displays any quality which would make them a desirable target to track. While I’m sure that – as an example – the numerous trips the denizens of, say, Pasco County make to the local Cracker Barrel might be interesting to someone, I don’t see it as being Bill Gates. I don’t even see it as someone who would do anything more with that kind of information than jerk off to it because it’s his new weird fetish. “Oh,FUCK, the Barrel’s FULL today… the kitchen staff has gotta be in the weeds…uh.. uh… oh God…”

So I need to repeat this.

They think, thru the vaccine, they are gonna get micro-chipped, and then tracked, everywhere they go. They are outraged, terrified, trying desperately to form a non-laughable platform, but lacking the pre-requisite executive functions to pull it together cohesively (and again, non-laughably.)

Even still, they type out their angry missives, their panicked questions. their tracking fears, to their drool bucket compadres, on a cell phone.

ON A CELL PHONE.

More than likely, one that uses the Android OS, and therefore Google, which means that location tracking is really and truly the least of their privacy worries.

How loud will the bang be when that thought finally breaches the outer membrane of the Locus of Idiocy? Will it ever? If it does, will it be similar to a sonic boom, or more like the dude in Scanners?

If, right now, a microchip vaccine conspiracy is the biggest concern on a person’s mind, then “mind” is a super-charitable word to use.

Also, what a pitifully limited imagination. How do they know they aren’t ALREADY microchipped? If you could put a chip in a vaccine – a liquid – would it not stand to reason it’d fit just the same in some other deliverable liquid? Hey, maybe it could be surreptitiously PUT IN you the next time you get a lab test, maybe towards the end of a LOT of extracted blood tubes, so you’re a little dizzy and you’re not really watching because it makes you feel like you might black out.

And if they made a microchip that was so tiny it was deliverable through the eye of a syringe, yet still completely functional, that magically knew exactly where in the bloodstream to go to find its purchase (what, you think it’s gonna track YOUR movement PLUS it’s own in your bloodstream? You’re expecting a LOT out of this imaginary bullshit, you know. Winnow down a little, Christ..)…. would it not stand to reason that they could’ve already made one that was an aerosol? Or that was in food and lodged itself in your stomach lining once eaten?

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT BILL GATES HAS HAD YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND ALL ALONG, AND THE VACCINE IS JUST A SHINY DISTRACTION TO KEEP YOU FROM THE REAL TRUTH?

I mean, anything you think is true, right? I AM riding the big blue doggy to the candy planet later, aren’t I?

If this issue has been weighing heavily on your mind, find comfort in asking yourself these brief questions (and honest answers, please, this is to help YOU):

  1. Why exactly would Bill Gates want to track me?
  2. Is what I just asked ridiculous?
  3. Why is it better to track me than someone who uses their time for things other than obsessing over this conspiracy? Wouldn’t a well-rounded person be more useful to a nefarious entity than a one-track internet bobble-head?
  4. Has the line between fantasy and reality always been blurred, or am I just spending too much time online?
  5. Would I trust any of the strangers online giving me this information with the keys to my home or my children?
  6. If the answer to number 5 is no, then why do I trust the nonsense they are telling me?
  7. If the answer to number 5 is yes, why was I not sterilized at birth?

i’m going to go with Woodstock now, and laugh so hard, tears will spurt from the corners of our eyes and I will accidentally fall off the top of the doghouse. Miraculously, I will be unhurt. Still, Woodstock will fly crookedly in solidarity. That bitch loves drama.

But before I go, I want to say this. You don’t need an enormous intellect. You don’t need pieces of paper from institutions that validate to prospective employers that you do, in fact, come from the correct socio-economic class to be allowed entrance beyond the most basic level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. What you DO need: endless curiosity, an open mind, the willingness to research instead of assume, the understanding that your opinion does not make you an expert and that you do not in fact know everything, and the ability to be wrong without taking it as an attack on your ego but instead as a fantastic opportunity to learn something and become better.

It doesn’t take much more than that to develop some critical thinking skills and see when some charlatan is taking you and playing you for a big damned FOOL. Seems like about a third of the country enjoys being taken for a fool, though. Shame, that.

In 2020, a large group of Americans sincerely believe that Bill Gates wants to microchip them through a vaccine designed to stop a pandemic (which many refer to as a “plan-demic”). These same people refuse to wear masks, while their fellow Americans are dropping like flies.

They think we all give a fuck where they are and what they do. We don’t. No one wants to track the banal, boring, and bone-headed, except for KIng Banal Bonehead, who is using them a fuck of a lot more than Bill Gates ever could, even in their wildest dreams.

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME ANDY KAUFMAN IS BEHIND ALL THIS SHIT.

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