Tag Archives: random

Cancel Culture, Cancel Thyself

(Cancel culture, political correctness, change your art.)

American Frightfest Thought (SPOILER ALERT): It really would have been the cherry on top had they made the so-called Monster the older, perennially abusive brother of the younger, self-proclaimed Wrong Monster. Because then, I could have been like, WHOA, because I would have been projecting my own horrible abusive dysfunctional sibling relationship with a bona fide Monster onto their relationship, and found the film extremely profound. Because it’s all about ME, after all, isn’t it?

Just Don't Look, say the censor-y pearl clutchersBecause that’s what we’re all doing these days, right? Insisting works of creativity be re-written to suit our own particular tastes and sensibilities and jibe with our own interior narratives, or cancel culture kicks in? Because we don’t want stories that challenge us to look at things in a different way but instead we just want those that mirror the same old worldviews and beliefs we’ve always held, yeah? I mean, shouldn’t they have just changed the series finale of Game of Thrones because it didn’t end the way people thought or wanted it to do so?


ART IS NOT A DEMOCRACY. (Disclosure: On the matter of whether Game of Thrones is Art: I can’t weigh in. I’ve no information, having never watched it.)

Anyway. Lemme grab my dramatic effect capital letter shit back. Hang on.


You don’t get to fucking vote on what the end of a TV series is going to be, unless for some reason that is the gimmick of the series, in which case, what a shitty series that is, and anyone watching that crap kinda deserves whatever they get dished up.

So. A week or two ago, Joaquin Phoenix was doing a press junket for JOKER and a reporter asked something to the effect of, do you feel badly about making a movie such as ‘this’, are you concerned that people will imitate this character’s (SPOILER ALERT {really? I mean, come on, it’s the fucking JOKER}) ‘bad behavior’?

I’m not sure what his answer to this was, but this question pisses me off.

I saw this movie once about a giant shark that stalked people and then ate them. But you know what? Unbelievably, I never swam around in the ocean stalking people and then eating them because I saw this movie! In fact, I never even did it at all!

Dogs in SpaceMore realistically, I saw SID AND NANCY and DOGS IN SPACE and neither of those films ever made me shoot up heroin. I saw CLOCKWORK ORANGE and FUNNY GAMES and yet not once have I invaded a family home and raped anyone OR worn all white. I saw the second A STAR IS BORN and I NEVER ONCE wanted to see the first one, third one, or most recent one. What I’m saying is, not everyone is a hypnotized zombie when it comes to cinema. In fact, dare I say the majority are not.

The whole idea that now we must SANITIZE MEDIA when we do not even hold the commander in thief to that same sanitized standard is ludicrous.

I think Joaquin should have told the reporter that he was more concerned that needless wars over things like oil and land might inspire people to be violent, and that he saw that as possibly being a slightly larger problem than films, because you must pay to see a film, while war is free and can impact you whether you choose it or not. Perhaps address the leaders and the very military industrial complex itself, Random Reporter Lady who failed Relevant Interrogatories 101, before questioning the ethics of a performer in a work of commercial entertainment.

Or, continue to be a moron. There’s that option, too.


The people – mostly Twitter users, it appears – who comprise the Cancel Culture, you know,  I really have empathy for them, I do. I know that at their level of wokeness, it has to be difficult to be so gosh-darned hard on people, caring about social justice and all. And too, it must be DOUBLY difficult for them. Think of it – to have to publicly acknowledge that the problematic person they are cancelling is more talented than them, that must be a bitter pill to swallow. Cause generally speaking, talented people spend their time utilizing their talents and creating things, not destroying them. They don’t spend their time on the internet bitching people out. It takes many characteristics to facilitate membership proper in a net.mob, but talent is not one of them. Net.mobs take anyone (no qualifications or previous experience required *** Do you like a Rock and Roll atmosphere? Leads Provided! Start immediately! *** ).

bell hooks quote

When it comes to mobs, what is the difference between carrying tiki torches and  carrying Frankenstein torches really? Is there truly a difference at all? Because I don’t see one. They both appear to be a bunch of people wielding way too much fire and all sharing one very precariously-poised-in-useful-reality brain when clearly they – and the rest of us – would be much better off with the benefit of many, many brains of a more practical and community-oriented nature.

I don’t know what the answers are. But shutting everyone up by cancelling them en masse? I don’t think that cancel culture is the answer at all. In fact, I KNOW it’s not. The truth is the truth, whether it scares you or not. It’s better to know than to not know if someone is dangerous, or hateful, or misogynist, or whatever the fuck they are. But also, it’s kind of gross to completely ostracize people from everything before all the facts are in, or for “offenses” like saying something jack-assed and ignorant 10 years ago. We need to allow people to grow.

Now if someone is running around raping puppies or what-have-you? Cancel away, have at it. Have a cancel party and play that cool drinking game, The Devil’s Triangle.

I LIKE BEERYou know, just ONE of those senators could have said, “Oh, a drinking game. Can you tell me how that’s played, exactly? How did you and your friends play that?” But no. NO ONE WAS CURIOUS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE SAID TO THAT? And NONE of those senators EVER heard of a real Devil’s Triangle? REALLY?

I wonder if it is cold and moist UNDER THEIR ROCKS.


That’s it. That’s the rant.



Perception vs Reality

By appearances it would seem I’m doing quite well – I’ve even received correspondence congratulating me for same – but the truth is, I am doing so far from well that the light from the planet Well would take several million light years to reach me. But you know, I do not know of anyone who has a Complaining Fetish, so I can’t really make a lot of Truthful Posts about the condition of my innards and outtards (yes, I just made that word up) and say honestly that hey, I am in severe pain, on an almost completely liquid diet now because of my teeth, I live in poverty, I have termites and black mold, no bed, really really need that dental work more and more by the day, live in abject fear they are going to raise my rent beyond my means and I will be homeless, and spend most of my days just trying to hang on to life by my fingernails mentally and physically, that I battle the living fuck out of mental illness and it battles me right back, I can’t really make every single post about all the nightmares and the new special nightmare meds I have to take that are supposed to knock out my REM sleep that I’m scared to take, or the flashbacks or the voices or any of that shit, or that I’m being sued by my mother’s mortgage company for a reverse mortgage I was not even involved in, because that’s not very sexy, is it?

But since this isn’t my “other blog”, the one that I run that helps me to stay afloat, again honestly here, and very barely, I might add – lest anyone think that is some sort of nest of abundance over there, it’s not, it’s a lot of effort for very very little return – I thought I would pony up with some reality today and speak the truth, the meaningless, meaningless truth. Lest I give the impression that I live in the lap of luxury or that I have it easy in some way.

Okay, no, wait. There is an easy part. Keeping honest here. The easy part about this, and i am grateful for this, I assure you, is that no one is actively beating me up right now. I am so grateful for that. For most of my life I did not have that assurance of safety. Safety is like what wash and fold is to Jerry Seinfeld – a delight. A delight and joy to sit here and not feel like any second I could get punched. I will say that. So okay, in that sense, I do have it easy. I have it easy as hell and I am so grateful. Of course, now that I realize the absence of an attack, I am uneasy and expectant of an attack. Nice trick, PTSD brain. Thanks for spoiling the moment. Things like that occur in my circuitry all day and prevent a lot of things from moving along in a timely reaction. Things like being grateful for something and then having the feeling of gratitude followed by some sort of abject panic or terror. My wiring is all fucked up.

And of course the fucked wiring and the living conditions do sadly go hand in hand. Crazy doesn’t get the deluxe apartment in the sky-high-high unless Crazy inherits it. And this Crazy did not inherit anything except a legacy of suffering, so… yeah.

And then there are the holidays in your face, and except for the chronically, demonically abusive persons I have disconnected from, who I am not actually related to anyway, I have no family at all. Zip zero nada.  World, Table for one.  So now my roommate and my buddy and my other buddy are my family. And of course my cats.

tina dancingSo, the point of all this twofold. The first fold of it:  just to be honest and real and say hey, this is what is true at this moment. And the second: In case you don’t have family, or your life isn’t freakin’ perfect either, maybe you will feel better about things now, because maybe you have a really nice bed and you’ll be like, hey, at least I’m not this sorry ass bitch sleeping on a futon! I have the best bed, I rule! And it might make you feel better? Or you might be, yeah, my brain does that shit too, the hell? And relating with someone else’s brain might be cool? There might be some positive that could come out of this, is what I am hoping.

Or, you know, someone could be a dick about it and send me playground taunts, YOU AIN’T GOT NO BED, BITCH! YOU AIN’T GOT NO BED, BITCH! and then I’ll cry myself to sleep in the middle of the day while half-watching something on a basic channel cause YOU AIN’T GOT NO CABLE, BITCH! YOU AIN’T GOT NO CABLE, BITCH! Because clearly, cable is the largest of my concerns.

Nah, nothing anyone can taunt me with will hurt me any more than my teeth hurt me. I know this for a fact. I also have confidence that no one reading this is a dick. I should have said that at the very first.

Anyway. The next post is going to go into Non-Complain mode and we shall continue from there. I may even endeavor to say something that is of some use to someone or something somewhere.

Note: When I did spell-check for this, spell-check recommended “POTSDAM” for PTSD. What the hell is a POTSDAM? Reminds me of pot stickers and the Hoover Dam. I’m simple like that.


Various Sludgy Bits


  • I am in love with throwbacks Elle King and JD McPherson right now. They are transported from another era and I want to blather like an idiot about how wonderful they are, but I will just say check them out, cause if there is one thing I ain’t (and there’s about a million), it’s a music critic.
  • I bought some Virgin Vapor flavored ejuice for my Haus Mistic, and it smells wonderful, but the only one that has the real flavor kick is The Best Damn Tobacco, which is sta-rong. The other two, Original Sin (Apple), and Cherry on Top (your best guess), smell incredible, but the taste is verrrry subtle. I wonder if I need to let them steep. Since I don’t know anyone else who vapes, I discuss this issue here. Oh, sure, I could go to see if there’s a reddit on the topic, or contact the vendor. But this is so much easier, and so much more pointless. I have to say it’s very good ejuice though, and it is organic, so there’s that. No scary propylene glycol unless you ask for it.
  • Donald Trump is coming in a hurry with the Fear, he’s breathing. Down. Your. Neck.
  • I’m remiss in making doctors appointments. I read somewhere Procrastination is actually veiled Fear, not Laziness. I don’t know why procrastination, fear, and laziness are suddenly Platonic, but they look fancy, all capitalized like that. Anyway, I think there is some validity to that. It is fear that keeps me from making these appointments. Part of me just doesn’t want to know. Nonetheless, the appointments need to be made.
  • My teeth are really bothering me today.
  • Final Girls was a great meta-romp through horror tropes, and I highly recommend it. Naturally the mother/daughter story line choked the living shit out of me. I am not made of wood, sir.



Wish, etc.

confusinggirlAmong my many wishes, foremost the wish for teeth that do not hurt constantly and that I can chew with, since now most of my food is in liquid form, I wish I had a badass keyboard with a synth and lots of voices on it, and the ability to record on the keyboard. Like, a real keyboard, not a Yamaha consumer-end, where all the voices sound corny and may as well be a Yamaha Home Organ. But a real damn keyboard. That would be so amazing, as then I could go back to the organic method I used when I did my first CD, which I really would like to do. Organic with a synth, funny right? Yeah, anyway.

Thank you again for the donations. They are so appreciated. I have hope, which is a big thing for me.

I have been erratic. I am erratic. My brain, she tries to kill me. But I fight the Good Fight. I also dance the Forbidden Dance, in case anyone’s interested in that part of my resume.

Just kidding. I do NOT do the Lambada. I am not really even sure what exactly it entails but it sounds like it could throw your back out. If you know of any other Forbidden Dances, please feel free to use the Contact form. I’m always gathering intel.

See, now I’m just blathering. This is what happens when you have a break in posting. You lose sight of what makes a good post and what is just blogfuckery (and yes, I did just add “blogfuckery” to the spellcheck dictionary for future use.). A good post would have a title like, ah, 12 Shocking Ways to Polish Your Toenails You’ve Never Tried – with a subtitle of Number 4 will surprise you! or some click-baity shit like that.

When faced with blogfuckery (see, I told you I’d be using it again), really, the only recourse is the RANDOM LIST. That way, you can just tick off, unordered (or ordered, it’s your list, man) style, various bits that don’t need to tie together or display any sort of coherence whatsoever. The RANDOM LIST is especially good for the brain-addled such as myself, as it saves the reader the pain of reading a post LIKE THIS ONE. I would tell you what song I am listening to and move on to the next item. If you didn’t like one mini-topic, why, look, several more are waiting for you! Such is the beauty of the RANDOM LIST.

Also, you never have to figure out how to end a blog post with the RANDOM LIST. It ends itself with the last item. Unlike this post, which requires some sort of finality, like “Goodbye from a really crappy blog post” or something less chatty.

/end crappy blog post






When someone is mean to me, under the defenses (and offenses) that I display trying to act like “oh no this doesn’t hurt“, which just looks like “ohmygodthishurtsobad“… while I’m acting indignant, like I can’t believe I’m being treated this way, guess what? I can totally believe it. Deep down, I feel like I deserve it. I don’t know if that is a universal feeling. I suspect not. It isn’t that I feel I deserve it because I have done something specific and therefore have to be punished – just that on the Ladder of What Sort of Treatment People Deserve, I’m down there on one of the bottom rungs, not quite at the very bottom but I’m well past the Equator. Because this metaphorical ladder suddenly has an Equator, and a vaguely psychic English teacher somewhere now has the sudden urge to tear her hair out and she has no idea why.

Of course I know logically that no one deserves it, so why would I be singled out by some bunch of impressions and perceptions and sensory experiences that we collectively call Life to be beaten about the head and ears by the harsh ways of another? And certainly, I possess my own harsh ways, meting them out about as gracefully as a fish out of water with gastrointestinal distress. Which is to say perhaps I can be a bit erratic. And a bit of a jerk.

And so perhaps I need to also be a bit forgiving. And not take everything so personally. That’s all I can do about it, really. I can’t control how other people treat me. I can control whether I decide to stick around if they decide not to treat me nicely, just like they have the same option for themselves. That’s about it. While it’s easy to say, it’s still a bit hard to grab onto when your feelings have been hurt.

But it’s doable. And so is moving forward.


btw. For those who don’t know, shrink means psychiatrist. That is the doctor that dispenses medication. They do not do talk therapy. They are medical doctors who treat the symptoms of mental illness. They do not address any issues that arise from these disorders or from adverse experience or personality disorders or do “counseling” or help you with your marriage or any of that. They just evaluate and medicate, basically. You cross your fingers, hope they do it well, and jump in. This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the letter “P”.



Random Notes

  • Just because you can hit a note, doesn’t mean you should.
  • I need to reread Spinoza and then figure out why there are suddenly all these books beating up Spinoza. The hell? Swedenborg is just there for the taking, guys. You don’t see any books debunking him, though. Interesting. There are also a few books socking it to Antonio Damasio, a professor of neuroscience who has written about Spinoza and also about Descartes and dualism. I have one of his books and I quite enjoyed it.  The hell with me though. The laud and challenge cycle of the philosophy world continues.
  • My right eye is scratched from wearing a cheap Korean contact lens for too long.
  • The Burlesque Experiment is going well. Makes me wanna shimmy, makes me wanna shake.
  • I miss cable when things like last night’s debate happen. It only occurred to me after the fact that I COULD HAVE STREAMED IT ON CNN.COM. Sometimes so bright I am not.
  • I need to hop back on the Python. I was ahead in my schoolwork but if I don’t get back to it I’m going to fall behind. Chop chop, Annie!
  • It’s getting REALLY hard to chew.